Death and funeral planning are rarely topics people enjoy talking about, especially when close family members may not be ready to even imagine the death of a loved one. The reality of one’s imminent death—a terminal diagnosis, entering hospice care—may spark a desire to start the difficult conversation with the people you love.

When your close family and friends help you preplan your own funeral services, they become a source of love and strength as you navigate this process. Not only can they offer emotional support during this time, but they also serve as a reminder of what’s truly important about funeral services: family, friends, and togetherness. They can also offer ideas about what will be most comforting for them during the services. Because of this, we have found that involving your family in the funeral preplanning process can be a source of comfort for everyone.

We once had a couple call to schedule an appointment for advanced planning, giving very little information other than their name and phone number when they called. At the time of their appointment, a nicely dressed, middle-aged couple came in. The wife was using a walker, but she otherwise seemed healthy.

As we sat down together to learn more about them, the wife shared that she was living with a terminal diagnosis of advanced pancreatic cancer. She said her husband and children were still trying to accept the reality of what was happening, but she had come to a place of peace regarding her prognosis.

She and her husband had come to us because she had finally convinced him to join her to look at caskets and talk about her wishes for her service. As she gestured at the beautiful dress she was wearing, she laughed and said, “This is my favorite dress, and I want to find a casket that it’ll look good in!”

As we progressed through our time together, the woman shared specific songs she wanted played—not necessarily her favorites, but ones she thought would be special to her husband and kids. She talked about a friend she’d like to speak, and said that she’d talked with her friend about which stories would be appropriate to share publicly, and which ones should just be told around the table at the reception following the service. She also gave a list of special friends to serve as casket bearers—couples that she and her husband had shared many fun adventures with.

By the end of our time together, the woman, her husband and I had laughed, cried and developed a plan for a service that would reflect the essence of the woman’s life and spirit. She took copies of the notes to share with her kids so that they could begin to anticipate ways to personalize the service even more.

As they left, she gave me a hug and thanked me for giving her the chance to create a detailed advanced plan as a gift to her family. This touching gesture taught me that preplanning can be something that brings families together and strengthens bonds while there’s still time left.

For five generations, the Farris Family has had the honor to serve the families of Abingdon, Virginia during their most difficult times. We believe that preplanning can be a beautiful way for families to accept the reality of impending loss, and to use their time left together to plan something meaningful that will bring solace to everyone when the time comes. Please call us at (276) 623-2700, or visit us at one of our locations to learn more about funeral preplanning. We are always available.